The Coach is KILLING Me!

Why Norv Could Survive

I had planned to post something on Sunday using the above picture to illustrate why Norv could survive in San Diego for years to come -- it's beautiful here. I mean, who can live here and really get upset about the Chargers? Sure, they went 14-2 last year, but if they don't win the Super Bowl, it will still be 70 degrees and sunny in San Diego on the day the big game is held, and people will move on. It's not like some grimy, cold, east coast or midwestern city where you're  living a miserable existence in the winter and the football team is your only potential ray of hope (this is coming from someone who spent most of his life in grimy, cold east coast cities). So who really cares if Norv screws up? It's not like he's going to go 4-12 with this squad -- he can keep things going enough to provide an adequately fun experience 8-9 Sundays a year at Qualcomm Stadium...

...when it's not being used as and evacuation shelter.

I never got around to posting this serene snapshot of paradise, because I had to evacuate my house to avoid catching on fire. So, I'm refocusing the statement to say that no one cares if Norv screws up the Chargers, because we might all be consumed in a wall of flames. Carry on, Norv.

Hilarity on Hold

A quick update -- the Chargers had a bye week, the Redskins almost lost in excruciating fashion, and my house may burn down. Okay, that's a little dramatic (and not completely true), but due the fires spreading throughout San Diego County, I would expect that my current minimal rate of posting will continue through this week. The picture above is of the Witch Fire which is burning to the north of my house. We are evacuating to some place safer, and so you'll have to make fun of Norv on your own.

Richie Petitbon Flashback

I was listening to Howard Stern this morning, and they were playing a classic show from August 1993. In the middle of a bit where they were making fun of Larry King, they read this tidbit from Larry's USA Today column:

"I think Richie Petitbon is going to be an excellent NFL coach."

I wonder if he retracted that statement after he went 4-12 and got replaced by Norv...

The Norv Turner Experience Week 6: There Is No Need to Panic

As I've mentioned before, this site is meant as a long-term warning -- the Chargers are still going to win games this year. I'm not going to worry about being proved wrong until January, really...

Anyway, this week's work for this site was actually done by the fine folks at Kissing Suzy Kolber & FireNorv.net:

• Why Must I Chase the Cat?


• Breaking News: Chargers sign LaDainian Tomlinson

The Norv Turner Experience Week 5: What Might Have Been

[Note -- as I mentioned last week, I had this all ready to go for when the Chargers beat the Chiefs. Except, of course, they didn't beat the Chiefs. Even Norv couldn't keep this team down forever, so now I get to use it.]

Certainly, on this site, I bemoan the effect that Norv has had on the Chargers --mostly because I live in San Diego, and I hate to see the nice people here heartbroken. Still, my heart remains with the Redskins, and with the Chargers beating the Chiefs Broncos, I can talk about the great "what might have been" of the season -- what if the Cowboys had hired Norv Turner?

Back in January and February, us Redskins fans were giddy -- not because of anything the Redskins did (they blew last year), but because of the possibility of Norv returning to Dallas. It seemed like everything was falling into place -- after all, Dallas is the one city in the country where Norv is remembered fondly. Perhaps they would ignore the last 15 years of history and hire the guy that they remembered from 1993.  In the end, even Jerry Jones isn't that crazy -- he hired the guy that had a winning record as a head coach. What a novel concept.

This remains one of those great what ifs of history, along with "What would our mobilization in Vietnam had become if Kennedy hadn't been assassinated?" and  "What if Jeffrey Maier had gone to school that day?" Instead, I have to watch the Cowboys tear up the league and deal with Norv in my back yard.

Oh, and apropos of nothing, Mike Sellers is a one man wrecking crew...

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUVJrLrLHPg]

[Thanks to Mr Irrelevant and Awful Announcing for the video...]

UPDATE: The NFL obviously had it taken down, but you'll have to take my word for it ...

Norvs Throughout History: General George B. McClellan

Ok, maybe this site is transitioning into full dork-dom by comparing an NFL coach with a Civil War general, but work with me on this.

• McClellan was well-respected as a coordinator -- few matched his abilities in organizing and training his troops.


• He was the prototypical "players coach" -- his men loved him not because they thought they would win, but because he was good to them.


• On the battlefield, he was consistently overly cautious and tentative.


• He was at the helm of a vastly superior team, yet was beaten on a regular basis by a better coach who was more aggressive and motivated his players better.


• He was fired by the owner/President in mid-season.


• There are historians who feel that he has gotten a raw deal, and claim that he is just the victim of the winners writing his story. No doubt, if he was around today, someone would want to give him another chance with the 4th Infantry Division.

Special thanks to Wikipedia for refreshing my memory -- it's been years since I've read my Shelby Foote...

GNorv: Week 4

The most popular search term for this site last week was, by far, "the coach is killing me." The reason for this was a mention in Bill Simmons' column last Friday that didn't actually include a link to the site. He told me he was going to link to it, but I'm going to assume that his editors ran 1000 volts of electricity through his body and decided it was a better idea to link the phrase "a Norv related blog called 'The Coach is Killing Me" to an old column instead. So much for the concept of semantic markup and hypertext -- screw you, Tim Berners-Lee!

In other bitching, we have dropped to page 3 when you search for Norv Turner. Google is a fickle beast -- we were the first listing on page two earlier in the week, on the cusp of rising to the first set of listings. The good news is that FireNorv.net is now at #6 -- that's what I get for naming this site for an obscure story instead of something with "Norv" in the title.

Favorite search of the week: "Why does Norv Turner not get fired."

In other news, based on last week's discussion, I'm thinking we need to do a Google bomb -- it could be as simple as having the #1 result for "worst coach in the NFL" be Norv's official bio. However, it seems we could be more creative than that -- any ideas?

Did I Wake up in 1995?

I've watched the new show Journeyman a couple of times, where the guy keeps traveling back in time to help people and advertise the iPhone (actually, I can't look at the actor and not think that he should really go back in time and keep Julius Caesar from being stabbed -- he screwed that up royally the first time).

Today, I had one of those same experiences -- I woke up and Norv Turner is the football coach in the city I live in, and Gus Frerotte is a starting quarterback in the NFL. Now, I was a full-fledged member of the "Gus-stapo" back when Norv was switching between him and Heath Shuler, but I can't imagine this is good news for Rams fans.

Now, I am going tell my 1995 self to lay off on the credit card, buy some Netscape stock, not to buy Shaq-Fu: Da Return, and that the Redskins will be causing a lot more pain...