The Coach is KILLING Me!

Even vacuous Playmates think Norv should be fired

Not sure if this makes me feel better or worse...

• Kendra Wilkinson Tells Fox Sports That Hank Baskett 'Blows Her Kisses' After Every Catch - NFL FanHouse.

Your lucky Norv photo of the week

Let's get down by a lot a try the miracle comeback, ok?, originally uploaded by The Coach is Killing Me.

Wow, that was just how you script it up, huh?

Every time I think I'm out, Norv pulls me back in

I might have to remove the "92% less Norv" starburst at the top -- Norv is the gift that keeps on giving. Who would have thought that The Audacity of Zorn would have a better record than Turner at ANY point of the season?

Most Norv Faces look sad and broken, but the one above is angry, broken, and possibly dancing in a disco. I'm super excited that the Redskins offense not only didn't look awful but actually won, but the story of the day is the kick in the nuts that Norv and the Chargers took. I actually feel a bit sorry for him, but it won't keep me from floating the fact that Pete Carroll looks pretty good these days -- maybe the Chargers could move to the Coliseum and get the LA market and a new coach. Just sayin'.

Norv gets lucky

I know I promised 92% less Norv, but Mr. Turner just got great news: Merriman is out for the year. You may ask, why is losing your best defensive player great news for a coach? It means that he won't be held accountable if they stink this year -- it will be blamed on injuries. Yet another example of Mr. Turner's charmed life.

I will know dedicate my time to figure out where, exactly, in my neighborhood Shawne Merriman lives, and have my kids trick or treat there. Should be fun.

Where have you gone, Mr. Tomlinson?

You're going to see a shift away from the previous All Norv All the Time format on this site, but first, here is another excellent song from the incomparable BradyFan83. Apropos of nothing, I know the marketing guys at VIZIO, and they have to be pleased as punch that the average football fan already associates LT with their product -- they spent their media well, it looks like.

I do believe that I owe Mr. Turner an apology

Well, I decided to oppose Heath Shuler's Congressional campaign last year, and he ended up with an improbable win. This year, I figured it was a safe bet to make fun of Norv Turner, and the Chargers end up in the AFC Championship game. I obviously have the Midas touch -- whatever I make fun of turns to gold. Perhaps my next move will be to auction my ridicule services off to the highest bidder...

It's Official: I'm Retiring

Farewell, Joe.

Since the best football coach in the history of mankind retired today, I have decided to do the same thing.

We all had a great run for a little while here on the site -- the fans were chanting for Marty, the Norv Face was in full bloom, and we even discussed replacements. As an added bonus, I got to use my History degree for something other than cocktail party trivia.

In a round about way, it was Joe Gibbs that created this site. He built the standard that Norv Turner was unable to live up to, and caused all that angst in the 90s for me (well, maybe all the flannel and grunge helped on that front as well). Having Norv show up again in my back yard seemed like a good opportunity to talk about it again. But I think I've accomplished what I came accomplish, and I don't think I can spend the rest of my life looking for unflattering photos of Norv Turner.

I also learned a valuable lesson: expectations are different here. This wasn't Norv coming in and expected to be the next Joe Gibbs and win Super Bowls, he was just expected to NOT be the new Marty Schottenheimer -- and win at least one freaking playoff game.

Of course, if you think about it, the Chargers are no better off than last year, even with a playoff win. Their worse record this year required them to play a game before advancing to the same divisional round they started in last year. If they lose to the Colts, how can it be considered a more successful season to have fewer total wins and progress no further in the playoffs? I'll tell ya -- when you haven't won a playoff game in 13 years, that's how.

The gift that Norv had brought to the Chargers is having them lose enough games during the regular season to get a positive match up in the first round of the playoffs, win that game, and declare victory. No one expects them to beat the Colts, and there will be no shame in losing in Indy. But due to Norvitude earlier in the year, he gets to put up the "Mission Accomplished" banner and move on to next year.

The key to success: lower expectations.

This has been quite a football season for me, full of emotion, excitement, sadness and silliness. I'd like to thank Joe Gibbs and Norv Turner for the season they gave me. And with that, I'm going to spend some time with my family and find a new venture. But I will leave with two thoughts:

• I really hope Gregg Williams is not another Richie Petitbon.
• And I am thanking God tonight that Norv Turner will continue to be employed by the Chargers so he can't be hired by the Redskins.

Thanks, everybody, it's been real...

Chargers.com - News » Headlines » Turner is playoff-tested

Link: Chargers.com - News » Headlines » Turner is playoff-tested.

Jimminy Christmas. A 1-1 record is "playoff-tested?" And the reason they hadn't been in the playoffs since 1992 was because of Norv! Gah!

Blame It on the Rain

I guess I'm not the only one voicing my complaints to the world...

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've been basking in the unexpected glow of the Redskins playoff run.

Meanwhile, back here in San Diego, the Chargers won the division and the city is going wild -- no wait, it's not:

The San Diego Chargers face a local TV blackout for Sunday's playoff game unless the home team sells its remaining 350 tickets by 1:30 p.m. today – a task made tricky by a winter storm predicted for game time and the thousands of tickets for resale on the Internet.

A winter storm, you say? Apparently, the idea of the temperature plunging to a mere 56° and water falling in drops from vapor condensed in the atmosphere has the die-hard Chargers faithful very concerned:

"I've been to playoff games in the rain twice," said Manny Rose II of North Park, who was selling three tickets online on Craigslist. "I would probably prefer to sit in front of the TV. I know that's sad since I'm a die-hard fan, but I see no shame with watching the game on TV."

As I laughed heartily at the pussitude of Chargers fans, it struck me that I have been living in San Diego for almost 6 years now, and I don't think I actually know any of them. The last place I worked, we had the whole NFC East and North represented -- OK, no Lions fans, but no Chargers fans either. Part of this has to do with the fact that we've always hung out with a military crowd of people who transfer from somewhere else (including Art Rooney's grandson), but it also has to do with the fact that there just don't seem to be a lot of them out there. There have to be some Chargers fans -- I mean, I see stickers on cars, I saw that rather inexplicable sign pictured at the top on a building by the Sports Arena, and came across this shirt in Target:

Practically a dynasty...

So, maybe as long as Norv keeps getting along with the management, he will stick around. I mean, if the fans don't want to watch a playoff game in the rain, will they really care that their coach stinks?

[By the way, there will be no blackout, but individual tickets are still available...]

It's the Norv-pocalypse!

According to the Union-Tribune, Norv is coming back next year, no matter what:

Even if the Chargers were to lose their final four games and not make the playoffs – a likelihood that seems increasingly remote after yesterday's 24-10 victory over the Chiefs increased their AFC West lead to two games – Turner will not be fired.

“He's going to be here no matter what,” a high-ranking club official with knowledge of team President Dean Spanos' thinking said yesterday. “He was always going to be here no matter what.”

Sure, it came from "a high-ranking official" (*cough* Dean Spanos *cough* -- who else has knowledge of what he thinks?) and not a press release, but this isn't Chris Mortensen telling us Vick won't be indicted or anything -- it's probably true.

So, San Diego, get ready for another season (at least) of mediocrity and baffling losses, surprising wins and frustrating play calling. And get used to more of this: